Hans Laufer

Hans - gone but still here my mind and heart

For two years - back in 1990 - Hans was my life raft when nothing much at all made sense. He carried me.

For another prolgoned period, her was a teacher and a mentor.

Finally, he became like an elder brother or close friend.

Hans taught me me many many things. But here are two:

1) Don't keep saying you wish you were...[e.g. slim, a non smoker, able to speak more languages, play the piano etc etc]. If you want to enough, do it. If you don't : shut up and accept you don't want it enough.

2) Life is difficult and has lots of suffering. Don't whinge about it. Endure it.

Neither of these lessons was necessarily the most optimistic or cheerful! So it's strange and wonderful that Hans could make me laugh so much when he talked about them. And I made him laught too. We just connected in that mysterious way that is rare and precious in life.

Finally Hans told me that one thing changed his life more than any other - the realisation that only one thing really mattered in his life: LOVE. He thought it was God given - I wasn't so sure. ...but he loved nothing better than for me to argue with him.

He didn't just believe in love - he lived it in his life.

There is hardly a single day when I don;t think of Hans.

And I'm beginning to think he may have been right about love. Good job I don't have to admit it to him!

Tim

Timothy Sutton

May 28, 2010

I feel like im back at square one today dad.

I went by the house today, i was supposed to go to the police station and meet miranda their, i ended up knocking on dani's door and spoke to him>>i felt like hugging hin dad, it was like another memmory of u...that u existed.
I looked at the house and was standing outide of it...i couldnt move...it looks exactly the same from the outside...except for the curtains and the newspaper in the kitchen windows, dani says he doesnt see the people who live their now....its funny in my head i always planned on knocking the door and telling them that it was ur house and that they shouldn't be their, tell them everything that happened, it didn't happen like that at all, i saw a lady and i told her that i used to live their she asked my name i told her and she knew my full name and said that i was still receiving mail their...i apologised..why i don't know im so angry that i did now...i should have been so different with her...

I miss you so much dad.. i feel so lost dad...i dont know what to think or feel any more...i don't want to hurt any more but i want to at the same time, it makes you real dad.
Memories and regret and pain is what i have now, whispers of your voice surround me now.

T And J's Mummy (Daughter)

April 21, 2010

Dad I love you so much, time isnt taking this pain away at all.
I wish with all of my heart that you where here, you should be here you should be helping me plan puddins 3rd birthday.
I just want to leave the uk now, nothing is holding me here anymore, but i stilll dont want to leave you. I just want to hear your voice once more dad, hear you crack one more joke.
I know your happy, i miss you both so much.
I walk past your office every day, when i take tahlia to nursery we pass it, i always tell her that the place where grandaddy used to help people.
I talk to the kids about you everyday, they will always know you.

Today i felt some peace, just a flicker of hope. Tim remembered you and was trying to find you, he did and messaged me. I feel like i have achieved something, what i dont know..you would have known im sure.


I love you dad, next saturday im getting your name on my other wrist...it would be complete, you and mum.

watch over us dad, please. I love you

T And J's Mummy (Daughter)

March 21, 2010

i love you so much dad, im so sorry

T And J's Mummy (Daughter)

February 18, 2010

I know you had a beautiful Christmas, finally you got to spend it with mum again. Everyday i would wake up thinking that i had to get your christmas present, and get your favourite cheeses...

Thank You for watching over us dad, You have a beautiful new grandson now.. Simeon was born on the 31st of december, the same month as you and mum. He is so tiny dad...sandra says he looks just like you, i couldnt see it but yesterday when his bounty pictures arrived...they took my breath away..i could see you in his little face, even his little expression was you dad...at a few hours old he was a living memory of you. I wish you was here dad you would have been so proud and so happy this really would have been your time, to see your grandchildren growing and getting so big and finally theirs more men in the family! I know you would have loved it...jesiah is such a little man he would have been tumbling around your room and harassing you and climbing all over you.

I wish and i wish you where here.

T And J's Mummy (Daughter)

January 9, 2010

I love and miss you so much. I still cant believe your gone.

T And J's Mummy (Daughter)

September 9, 2009

Hans (or dad as i was sometimes cheeky enough to call him...)

I have lots of fund memories of him - I used to tell Yasmin how cool he looked in his leather jacket with Tyson on his side. He was a sweet man that cared very much about Yasmin. He was always so kind to me and always invited me in even when Yasmin was out. He is sincerely missed.

Woomi (friend of Yasmin)

Woomi.lemonious.city.ac.uk

September 3, 2009